Mother fell madly in love with daddy on a hayride in Joaquin, Texas, 

She was only sixteen years old when they decided to elope and keep it a secret until she finished high school a month later Fortunately, he was twenty-three; thus had enough maturity to help navigate their early challenges. His job soon relocated them from the family farm to the big City of Houston, Texas. About a year and half into their marriage, mother delivered a beautiful, healthy baby girl. They named her Billie Wanda Guy. They called her the “sunshine of their home.”

At 10-months old, Billie suddenly developed a respiratory infection that quickly escalated into a high fever and difficulty breathing. They called their family doctor, who stopped by their apartment that evening to examine the baby. (Doctors made house calls at that time.) The doctor provided medicine for her and said she should be ok within a day or two; however, in the middle of the night, she began laboring to breathe! Frightened, mother & daddy gathered her up and headed to the emergency room at the local hospital. On the elevator to the emergency unit, Billie Wanda died in Daddy’s arms. 

They were both young, shocked, and devastated. Mother was only 18 years old. They had no family or friends in Houston for support. Back in the day, if a person needed counselling, they were considered “crazy,” so professional help was not sought. They simply dealt with this irrevocable tragedy as best they could. 

Mother had also experienced an earlier devastating tragedy as a child of ten years old. My grandparents ran a dairy farm in Louisiana. Grandpa wasn’t feeling well one morning, so granny went out to feed and milk the cows, while mother stayed inside to keep an eye on him and her baby sister. On her watch, her daddy unexpectedly had a massive heart attack and died. I can imagine the fear and guilt she must have felt, deep tumultuous emotions of trauma, fear, grief, and despair. Suddenly, granny found herself a young widow with two young daughters to raise alone. Again, the stigma attached to therapy in those days left mother’s childhood trauma unprocessed; never released or resolved. 

Throughout my childhood, I often wondered why mother, who was a person of deep faith, lived from a place of fear and worry? It wasn’t until I was an adult with children of my own, that I could begin to comprehend the core depth of her unresolved grief. Despite having built a wonderful home for daddy, Burt, and me, as her adult daughter, I grew to realize she suffered greatly throughout her life, always in fear that something terrible would happen to one of us. Unfortunately, this ‘thief in the night’ performed clandestine operations at a subconscious level, yielding a haunting, gut-level grief that too often robbed her of peace and joy. Yet we became kindred spirits. Mother was a key influencer in my life. As a youngster, I recall making an intentional decision not to worry excessively because I observed its tragic fallout in her life. 

When I married, mother desperately wanted me to live close by, but as a military wife, this was not an option. She kept trying to pull me back closer in. which became one of my greatest struggles. I was naturally a free spirit, an adventurer! I readily embraced the larger world, believing there was nothing I couldn’t do if I set my heart and mind to it. Reflecting, I consider this poignant question: 

Is it possible to love someone too much?

I’ve diligently searched for answers. I believe we can hold people we love too tightly, or even hold on too long to past experiences. When, like mother, life throws us a devastating curveball (which it sometimes does), we must bravely ask for help, not suffer in silence throughout our lifetime. Life is a gift. Our time is brief. I encourage you to embrace life even the hard times! 

To answer my own question, at the end of the day, I don’t believe we can love another person too much, but despite our circumstances, we must intentionally choose joy over grief, I’m grateful for a mother who loved me/us wholeheartedly. I’m convinced love is the universal solution.

“If you love something, set it free. If it returns to you, it’s yours. If not, it never was.”