Many military and business spouses tend to sweep this issue under the rug. It feels taboo to confront it head-on. Experience has taught me that feeling neglected and alone can be a recipe for disaster in a relationship – even Christian marriages.  

Throughout my husband’s military career, it seemed like he was away TDY (temporary duty - training and teaching) every month! While he was posted to the Pentagon, our cost-of-living was so exaggerated, I took a job in a designer retail shop in Tysons Corner, just to make ends meet! 

Shepherd’s was an upscale women’s designer boutique (which, as a transient military wife, imagining owning such an exclusive women’s boutique aligned with my secret dreams.) Because it was exclusively a women’s store, I often had clients who (even though they were shopping for a ‘gift for her’) often invited me to join him for dinner or drinks, or a full dive. 

I was lonely; thus, depending on the fellow standing in front of me, sometimes, it was tempting, and I’m certain it was the same for my spouse while away. I know this story is repeated many times over throughout our military service branches.

In such difficult circumstances, people often draw upon their faith, moral standards, and/or some prior decision to stick to personal ethics; for me, it was a combination of all three. I learned to guard my heart. Thankfully, the military doesn’t require spouses (or active-duty personnel) to wear a chastity belt, even though, as you can imagine, the transient, uncertain lifestyle makes remaining faithful a challenge (divorce and other statistics bear this truth out.) But let’s imagine it becomes a requirement! Such a mental image may be helpful in keeping your head on straight in unexpected, uninvited situations! In closing, here are five simple strategies that helped me most:

• Regular Exercise: weights, cardio, yoga help cut down the pent-up tension from his being gone for months.
• Planned Group Activities: safety in numbers.
• What Makes Your Heart Sing? a hobby, a job, returning to school - something that inspires you to stay motivated and avoid messy distractions.
• Accountability Partner - a nonjudgmental friend you can trust and be honest with about mixed feelings that result from extra attention you may be getting, as well as your own personal commitment to remain faithful. Be selective about whom you trust.
• Have a PLAN already in place: If a guy makes a pass at you, decide up front what you’ll say and do when (not IF) this issue occurs.

Summary: Genuine commitment, even when your spouse is away, is a TOUGH issue. Guarding your heart and your marriage commitment require mental preparation, pre-established roadblocks (for intruders), and a well-thought-out PLAN. Finally, intentionally surround yourself with Christian women who join you in wanting your relationship to achieve long-term success. 

“One can know the Bible with mental sharpness, and even display emotions like the finest actor when eloquently quoting it, but there is an elevated eloquence that comes from knowing God with one’s whole heart that goes beyond human abilities. The voice may be halting, the grammar fractured, but the eloquence of wholehearted devotion is what God uses to transform lives.”  Dr. Dorothy

P.S. Please contact me at: [email protected].