Since early in our marriage, I’ve known we were dealing with PTSD. You know, that unspoken, unidentified ‘elephant in the room’ - lurking there in plain sight, but no one acknowledges its presence.

When I was young, I loved to hide then jump out to surprise people! I suppose we’d been married less than a week when I tried this maneuver with Frank. As I recall, he’d just come in the door from several days of instructing Ranger field training in Georgia - his first assignment stateside after returning home from the war in Vietnam. And there I was – young, naïve, and clueless – playfully hiding behind the door! I quickly learned never to jump out and surprise him again! His exaggerated reaction shocked me! I was lucky he didn’t flatten me! Without discussing the deeper aspects of the incident, he sat me down and instructed me - never again. This was our elephant’s first appearance, although subsequent visits were sure to follow.

After Vietnam, Frank served in four more war zones during our military career. Each deployment seemed to drive him deeper within himself. He’d return home after a year or eighteen months abroad, lock his experiences tightly into safe little mental boxes (or so he thought), then struggle his way back through the reintegration process and into the family. For 40+ years, he never really talked of these things.

Then the unexpected happened. “Frank,” the doctor said, “You have colon cancer. We have to do surgery.” And so we did. About a year later, a urologist said to him, “Frank, You have prostate cancer...” then proceeded to list his options for dealing with it. This was the proverbial turning point! All this time, he’d been so highly trained and ‘programmed’ to believe Army Rangers may live forever! They were invincible in accomplishing the mission! Suddenly, the big C and potential death were staring him square in the face...at the end of the day he had no special training for this manner of war zone. This focused man of purpose took a steep nose-dive into depression. It was so unlike him.

I knew the time had come for Frank to face his demons. And I knew this would not be an easy journey – for both of us – individually and collectively.

“The wound is the place where light enters us.” - Rumi